The Washington Capitals lost to the Columbus Blue Jackets on Saturday. They folded so fast you’d think they they were setting import taxes.
It was such a bad game. Do you want to read about it? I’d understand if you don’t. I’d understand if you want to skip over what I write up here and scroll down to the comments and drop the Letterkenny gif where the coach yells “embarrassing” and then close your browser and do something worthwhile with your Saturday afternoon. Me – I’m contractually obligated to write about this game, which was never close and never good.
Sixty seconds in, Zach Werenski beat Hunter Shepard deep in the net. Four minutes later, Kent Johnson tricked Martin Fehervary out of his skates and beat Shepard five-hole. With 30 seconds left in the first period, Adam Fantilli rocked Ryan Leonard then scored on the ensuing rush.
In the second, Fantilli struck again. Then Sean Monahan got a tasty rebound, then Cole Sillinger got an easy one from the slot.
Trevor van Riemsdyk’s brother made it 7-0 late in the third.
Caps lose.
- It’s critical to remember that ABC/ESPN paid late-empire American dollars to get broadcast exclusivity for this k-hole of a game. Someone at some point sat in a room, took out a pad of graph paper, consulted Ovechkin’s goal pace and Columbus’s place in the standings, and they circled this date, and they said, “We should cover this game; it will be good.” They thought they’d get Ovi’s milestone goal. They didn’t even get Ovi. They barely got the Caps.
- If you are a fan who made the same calculation, all the same stuff from above but with my sincere sympathies instead of derision. Thanks especially, Steve, who sent the photo above, for your sacrifice.
- Goalie Hunter Shepard played his first NHL game in 15 months, and it went as badly as a goalie appearance could go. Through the first two periods, Shepard allowed six actual goals despite facing under two expected goals (16 shots). He was deep in the net, he was screened, he was beaten five-hole, he – he just didn’t have it today. I don’t know if he’ll ever get another crack at it.
- Which is not to say the skaters didn’t let him down. Martin Fehervary got burned so bad by Kent Johnson on this play.
- For most of the first period I expected 20-year-old Ryan Leonard to be today’s bright spot. Then he got leveled in a clean hit by Adam Fantilli, who scored seconds later. Leonard went through concussion protocol during the intermission and returned in the second period just in time to get punched in the head by Sean Kuraly.
- Tom Wilson was salty after the Fantilli-Leonard hit and got a ten-minute misconduct penalty for his back-sass.
- Everyone was cranky. Even Rasmus Sandin fought – I believe for just the fourth time in his six-season NHL career. For some reason, Brandon Duhaime did not fight, which is surprising to the point of suspicion.
- In the third period, Columbus forward Dmitri Voronkov got a ten-minute misconduct penalty. There must have been a communication issue, as Voronkov was on the ice three minutes later. The officials blew a gasket. Ineligible Player-bench was how it was written on the stat sheet. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. I’m inclined to think the refs didn’t do their jobs properly there.
- A comprehensive list of all Washington Capitals without a negative plus/minus today: Anthony Beauvillier. Alex Alexeyev was even until the JVR goal in the final two minutes; this was his first game since Halloween.
- Out: Alex (rest), Protas (leg), Chychrun (illness), Logan (upper-body), Charlie (bench-warming), Joe and Craig (national broadcast), Wes (road game), Alexa (pregnancy). Was this even a real game?
- Yes, it was. It counted for points. They sold tickets and kept stats. They blew up the cannons. Several times. And I assume Hunter Shepard got paid for this.
- Columbus goalie Jet Greaves earned his first NHL shutout in the eighth game of his season and 18th of his career.
I think I’m on day four of a course of azithromycin, and I prefer that experience over covering this game. I spent the second intermission doubled over with stomach cramps, and I was like, “oooh this is a nice break from the hockey game.”
Luckily this is the last time the Caps have to face the Columbus Blue Jackets for the rest of the day. On Sunday evening, the Caps will host the Columbus Blue Jackets – oh god dammit that’s the exact same team again.
